Theory vs. Practice

Something I’ve been struggling with for a bit now is whether I can rightfully, honestly call myself poly if I’m not interested in forming additional life-long, or even long-term, bonds at this point.  I feel like someone who has just come out of a long-term, monogamous relationship and just wants to date casually for a while.  (Which I guess I am, except that my previous relationship hasn’t ended.)  No one would say that person wasn’t monogamous, or capable of deep love for one person just because she isn’t interested in “settling down” at the moment.

I know I’m capable of loving more than one person, and that I would like to have multiple loves in my life, so in that regard, I view myself as polyamorous.  But I don’t think that only deep, life-long love relationships are valid.  In my life I have had very dear friends whose live I shared only for a matter or weeks or months.  My care for them was no less real than the friends I’ve had for years, and even if we never meet again, they will hold a special pace in my heart.  I think lovers can be like this as well, and that is what I want at this stage in my life.  I don’t want to just have sex with people.  I am looking for some sort of connection.  And if I fall in love with someone I want to keep in my life for longer, I will.  But it’s not what I’m trying to find.  Possibly by definition, I am looking for general ethical non-monogamy for the time being.

I don’t think that makes me any less poly, even though some might not see my current love life as strictly polyamorous.  Just like I have always been bisexual, even though my relationship could be classified as homosexual.  So I’m going to continue to claim the poly label, as it fits best with my ideas and ideals about non-monogamy.

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One response to this post.

  1. Posted by victorearose on May 15, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    This is right where I am now! Still the polyvirgin! LOL!

    Reply

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