The Ethical Slut: Reflection

Ethical Slut coverI’ve been reading The Ethical Slut, and am enjoying it.  I’d flipped through the new version a while ago, and it wasn’t what I was looking for at the time, but was recently loaned the older edition, and it’s been quite enlightening.  There are a couple passages from the first part that really spoke to me, describing the kinds of people who are drawn to ethical sluthood.

(p.5) “We may not always know what fits without trying it on, so we tend to be curious and adventurous… We like relating to people, and tend to be gregarious, enjoying the company of different sorts of folk…”

(p. 7-8) “We love adventure.  Once again in some contexts the word is pejorative, not really willing to ‘grow up’ and ‘settle down’ … We tend to like our lives complicated with lots of stuff going on to keep us interested and engaged.

We hate boredom.  We are people who are greedy to experience all that life has to offer, and also generous in sharing what we have to offer others.”

Although the authors are speaking in a sexual context in these passages, I see my large parts of my life in them.  Even though I quickly “settled down” in a LTR, I have resisted “growing up,” as my rather varied work history shows.  I am not the kind of adventurer who jumps recklessly from one hairy situation to another, but I view each new twist in my life as an adventure to be enjoyed and experienced for what it is.  I am sometimes obsessively curious, and want to try everything, both out of desire of the knowledge and because I really don’t know if I’ll like something until I’ve experienced it.  I used to think this was because I just didn’t know myself well (and felt like everyone else did), but I’ve realized it is that I am open to so many things, and capable of so many things, that just like there is no One True Love, for me there may be no One True Path that if I just follow I will wind up where I should.  And yes, I like things complicated and exciting.  Which is not to say I like drama.  God, I hate drama, and avoid it whenever possible.  But I love to be busy and have lots on my plate, scheduled to the max.  I have found I have as much energy as I can make use of at any one time, so when things are calm and simple, I’m rather blah, and when things are busy, I am full of energy and ready to take on the world.  And I definitely love to share and make connections with people of all sorts.  This might confuse people who knew me as a painfully shy kid, or an awkward, unpopular adolescent, but I really am a people person.

The parts on communication and things are also good, but I have to give credit to a book which can make me see myself and my choices in life in a new and positive way.

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One response to this post.

  1. Posted by victorearose on May 15, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    “Opening Up” is also a very good book.

    Reply

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