Social conditioning fail or win?

I’ve realized that I failed to fully absorb the appropriate social conditioning for a girl, at least when it comes to things like dating and sex.  See, I’m supposed to flirt and look pretty and hint vaguely until the other person makes a move.  This has never, ever worked for me.  The years I spent stuck in this mode were bleak and luckless.  In my relationship with C, I have been the instigator probably 90% of the time.  Someone has to.

I had my date with E last night (the one I proposed to him).  It was, despite a few logistical issues, a great evening.  At the end, we walked back to my car so I could take him home (note the conditioning fail already), and we did that thing where you stand there looking at each other, and you’re sure the other person wants to kiss you, but isn’t sure of you, and of course no one is allowed to say anything about that so you try to converse about something, anything just to stretch the moment long enough for one of you to gather the courage to seal the deal… (Or maybe this only happens to me.)

Anyway, we’d obviously positioned ourselves too far apart at the start of the stand-off to subtly get close enough to touch, so eventually had to call it a draw and get in the car.  At which point, I used the Power of the Driver to not start the engine, and sit there for a minute or two before deciding, “fuck you, social conditioning, I’m getting what I want,” and leaning in and kissing him.  He was apparently surprised, but in a very good way, and we made out in the car for a good while before heading home.

I don’t know.  It could just be that I’m impatient, but I kinda think I’ve waited enough in the past many years.  If what I want doesn’t seem to be forthcoming, I think I have every right (or possibly even the responsibility) to reach for it on my own.  That strategy seems to be working in my favor so far.


2 responses to this post.

  1. Fantastic! Why wait for something to fall into your lap when you are fully capable of getting it yourself? Good on you!


  2. Thanks!


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