Normal life doesn’t prepare you for this…

E texted me a few days ago at 12:30 AM from his vacation with W.  (He pretty much never texts after, say, 10.)  Seems some previously simmering issues came to a head, and they are “taking a break.”*  Now, this vacation is a plane ride away from here, and they weren’t coming back till today, and for various reasons, neither of them could leave early.  So I’m not exactly sure how you “take a break” from your relationship while on a vacation with the person, but there it is.

But now I’m trying to figure out how to be supportive of him while he deals with the potential ending of what was a really important relationship to him but which was always threatening to me.  (She was never really OK with him having other relationships.)

And there’s also the reality that, if they don’t get back together, I will be his only relationship for the first time.  I’m not gonna lie, it’s kind of an exciting possibility for me.  I’ve wished for more of his time for as long as we’ve been together.  (Part of the limit of time was due to my schedule and circumstance, but a large part of it was due to his commitments to W.)  Basically, this may be a chance for us to renegotiate our relationship.  Or, truthfully, negotiate it in the first place, as we’ve never truly outlined what we are and what we expect from each other.

But all that means I’m not in the least committed to him staying with W, and I’m not fully comfortable with that.  Most of me wants him to make the decision that’s best for him, but there’s a petty little part that really wants that decision to to be to stay split from W.

I’ll be seeing him tomorrow.  We’ll see how it goes.


*I had to have a friend explain the concept of “taking a break” from a relationship.  She said it was breaking up when you’re too much of a coward to actually call it off.  This sounds about right.


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