I think I need to tell him

that I want to have his babies.  Not right now, cause I’m still in school and C is still unemployed and we’re still living with my folks….  But maybe in the next year or so.

This isn’t a whim, or a new thought.  It’s one I’ve had for over a year, and vaguely since before I actually met him (when I was still actively trying with frozen sperm and wondering where I could find fresh).  And it’s grown from him ticking the sperm donor checklist almost perfectly, to really thinking he’d be someone I’d want to have around to help raise the kid.  He’d be a great dad.

One of the things he seems to like most about his relationship with W is that she has kids.  He likes being a dad.  He’s managed not to produce any offspring of his own thus far, and doesn’t think he ever will, so being with someone with kids gets him an instant family.

I don’t know.  Maybe it’s manipulative of me.  But if it’s family he wants, I think I owe it to him to let him know that W isn’t his only option.  I am afraid that it might change our relationship in some unexpected way, but I think I’d want all that information when contemplating whether or not to stay with someone.


4 responses to this post.

  1. It isn’t manipulative. You’re being honest. And it isn’t manipulative to talk about your thoughts. Especially with a person you love. Just make clear that they are thoughts, not plans. And also? Maybe point out to him that staying with someone for her kids isn’t very fair to her either… just sayin’

    PS Thanks for the link! I LOVE LOVE LOVE that post!!!


    • Thanks, dear, and you’re right. Honest is HARD, however. And it sounds like he and W are making up, so that makes this harder and potentially weirder.


  2. Yeah, I think that as long as you make it clear that this is something you’ve put a lot of thought into, and it’s something that you’d like in the future, but it is not something that you’d demand if it wasn’t what he wanted, then telling him is definitely the right thing to do. I’d want to know if someone wanted to have children with me, even though I have no desire to have children myself.

    I like the way you write, by the way. 🙂


  3. Maybe that’s how I frame it – “hey, just thought you should know….”

    And thanks!


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