Posts Tagged ‘the universe’

Feeling good, finally.

The past few months have been really hard.  Like, really, really, overwhelmingly hard.  School has asked more of me  than I could give and I’ve had to let some things slide that I didn’t want to.  I hate to do anything halfway, but have had to this quarter just to maintain sanity.  Finances have been extremely tight (and still are) with no relief in sight, and I’m not talking “can’t afford Starbucks” tight, but “can’t make my credit card payments” tight, and I’ve tried so hard over the past few years to get my credit into somewhat decent shape.  And my relationship with E has been rocky when I most needed it to be easy as it had been.  Thank all the powers of the multiverse that C and I have been doing really well, though I haven’t been able to spend nearly enough time with her.  I’ve been a giant ball of tension and stress since January.  It has not been pretty.

But Spring has come.  Not officially according to any calendar, but the birds agree with me and have been singing their little hearts out the past couple weeks.  Classes will be done this Friday and I will have survived them and even if I haven’t done everything in every class, I’ve done enough to pass.  C found a job and gets her first paycheck this week.  It’s not enough to take all the financial pressure off, but it helps.

And E and I are starting to feel better.  There are still questions I have for him, still things that need to be addressed.  But he said some things last night that allayed my fears of being unimportant to him, of just being a convenient warm body.  That he said them not in response to my request for reassurance but just in conversation makes me trust the truth in them.

I’ve also come to a clearer view of what our relationship can and should be, and what it shouldn’t be.  He will never be a partner in the way C is.  And that’s fine.  And I’m not just saying that to convince myself of the fact.  I see that I wouldn’t want that with him for a variety of reasons.  That doesn’t mean I don’t love and care for him, and certainly doesn’t diminish my attraction to him.  And this is why this open/poly thing is so beautiful: I don’t have to lose a dear lover just because we’ll never “settle down” together.

So, yes.  I’m feeling better.  It has been a dark winter, but the sun is lingering longer, the flowers have started to bloom, and trees are budding.  And despite the difficulty of the past few months, life is pretty damn beautiful.



Do you ever encounter something new, not a fad or trend but more like a word or concept, and suddenly it’s everywhere?  And you’re not sure if your just noticing it more now, or it it’s the universe trying to beat you about the head?

That’s been poly/nonmonogamy for me in the past couple months.  Within a week or so of C and I having “the talk” things started to pop up.  First, someone revived the poly thread on a general forum I visit.  Not wholly unexpected, but somewhat amusing.

Then there was Mo’Nique’s interview with Barbara Walters where she talked about her open marriage (and the fact that she doesn’t shave her legs which I felt was rather braver), which I only saw because it was linked by Dan Savage, and he has some rather strong views on monogamy and its impracticality for many people, so again not terribly surprising.

I had just started going to the UU church in town, and they held their new member meetings, which I attended.  And met B, who introduced herself as poly.  Now, there are plenty of poly folk who are UU (and plenty of UUs who are poly, but I had never (knowingly) met one.  B is awesome and we have other things in common, too, so I was all excited to make my first poly friend.  Or so I thought.

Because this week our friends from Back East came out to us as poly (see previous post).  Completely unexpected although not overly shocking considering them and the other poly folk I’ve conversed with.  Overly intelligent, sexually open, not pinned down by societal expectations, and creative thinkers.  Yep, seems like a recipe for polyness.  😀

OK, universe, I think I’ve got it now.  My head has been sufficiently beaten so as to let the knowledge soak in.  I’m getting on that now, so you don’t need to tell me my born-again maiden Aunt is actually part of a large polyfi circle or anything like that.  Thanks so much.